Being comfortable with saying “NO”

I recently re-affirmed the fact that I am pre-dominantly phlegmatic with traces of melancholy. Though, the Myers-Briggs test and Keirsey temperament sorter was a bit tricky (read: confusing) to decipher.  For now, I am settling for an INFP a.k.a Healer a.k.a Idealist.

Unfortunately, my personality type means that I am pre-disposed to being anti-conflicts, which is a good thing.  Right? Wrong. At least, in some cases.

Let me explain.

Since we are the “make peace and not war” kind of people, we end up trying to please everybody just to maintain calm and sanity. In the long run, we ask ourselves “Did I really have to do that even though I feel awful about?”   I know I have.

Recently, someone told me NO and I experienced an inner SNAP!

I had asked for a really small, negligible favour that would have caused minimal discomfort on her part and would have greatly sorted me out. She said NO!

My thoughts drifted to how being human sometimes just sucks! Why do we have to be just so darn selfish?

I know that I over-trivialized it but it hurt. I remembered all the times that I had gone out of my way just to put a smile on her face… It brought to mind, the cliché: Every man/woman for himself/herself…

I reprimanded myself for being a miss-goody-two-shoe which seems to get me into trouble. A lot, as you may recall.

Some of you may think that if you do good to the universe, you should always expect that the universe will send goodness back your way.  Reality check. IT DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK THAT WAY. At least, not immediately.

Once I got past my triviality, I realized that I admired her for standing her ground and wanted to be like her. Firm.

Moving forward, one of my new year’s resolution is to get comfortable with saying no. I have to be comfortable with the fact that saying no is not being “personal”; it’s just saying it as it is.  For more encouragement, I sought Sarah’s help in two posts:  Busy for the sake of busy? Or, are we just not saying “No” enough? and No, I won’t meet you for coffee (v.2).

There’s a cool ambergram on instagram

 

Stay tuned for  my 2013  new year’s resolutions.

Happy New Year !!!

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About Lillian

I am a proud student of the human experience which provides me with the perfect excuse for being a bibliophile (read: book hoarder) and the unofficial patron of Nairobi Inama bookshops. But in my past life, I was a recorder player. You can also find me on Medium (@lillianyamongo) where I discuss sustainable finance.
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